Lifesavers

Inspired by Courage to Change - January 28th 

I didn’t understand at first why someone would keep coming back to the rooms of Al-Anon after they had successfully cured their alcoholic from drinking.  I mean really, that’s the only reason any of us walk through the doors, right?  I certainly didn’t have any problems, so as soon as I learned how to pry the vodka bottle away from my husband’s death grip, there wouldn’t be much need for me to keep hanging around with a bunch of folks who clearly took way too long to learn twelve little steps to sobriety.

Early on, I remember asking a “long timer” why she stayed married to her alcoholic spouse for so long, considering that she had been working the program for ten plus years.  At a certain point,  a rational person just gives up.  She chuckled and told me her husband had already been sober for eight years, and that she kept coming back for herself, not him.  It confused the hell out of me.  She looked perfectly fine!

It’s taken me a while to understand the depths of my need for this program.  My husband has been in AA and sober now for almost four years.  He’s still an alcoholic though, and I’m still a poster child for Al-Anon. 

We came through the doors broken, a heartbeat or two short of an ugly divorce, and the fellowship of AA and Al-Anon took us in like a triage team in an emergency room.  The lifesaving techniques we were given took us from the critical list to stable almost overnight.  But that was just the beginning of the story.  It doesn’t make sense to save a life unless you can give the patient the tools they need to survive outside of the intensive care unit. 

I consider everything else that’s taken place since to be physical therapy for the soul.  How do you take a crippled heart and teach it love again?  To trust again?  It takes weeks, months, even years of daily exercise and labor.  It’s a lot of work and no one of us does it alone.  We need nurturing, pushing, training, cheerleading, and someone next to us who can genuinely look into our hearts when we are ready to give up, and say, “I know how you feel today, and it gets better, just don’t give up.”

Now, even when I am feeling strong, it’s only because I am doing the legwork.  The minute I relax, my program starts to weaken and old wounds creep back into my daily life.  I have to stay involved, diligent, and willing.  Some days I’m the patient and some days I’m the trainer, but I only stay strong when I am working the exercises that got me strong in the first place.   Without them, spiritual atrophy sets in much more quickly than I expect.

Fortunately, there is clear evidence that all this hard work pays off.  Next time you're in a meeting, pick up your head and really look around the room.  We see tears of pain turn to tears of gratitude in these rooms.  We witness growth, strength, and serenity in people who could barely hold their heads up when they were wheeled in on the verge of giving up.   Recovery is palatable in Al-Anon, and it's what keeps me coming back for more, whether alcohol is active in my home or not.

Photo credit:  www.iStockphoto.com/03-24-09 @ RonTech2000
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